Terrible Ad of the Week - Nintendo DS Jam Sessions

Hello readers! It's only been a week since my last entry, but it feels like a lot longer. My bowling league ended last week, and to be honest, it feels like I'm adrift in a timeless purgatory. Lost without purpose. But, there are still terrible ads out there plaguing our society, so I can't rest. With great marketing genius comes great responsibility.

This week's Terrible Ad of the Week comes to us from the Nintendo DS game Jam Sessions. Jam Sessions is a game where you pretend to play guitar while you sit around with your friends and sing along. "Wait," you say, "isn't that like Guitar Hero?" Well, you would be correct, except that Jam Sessions is not at all fun or challenging and is like Guitar Hero for people that have no fingers.

I'm going to show you the ad for explanatory purposes, but please try refrain from clawing out your eyes and ears before the ad is over.*



As you can see, the main object of Jam Sessions is to wave your hand back and forth over the Nintendo DS while your lame friends mercilessly butcher songs that would otherwise be enjoyable. Yes, that's right, you just wave your hand over the DS. No finger, no buttons. Just waving.

So, according to this ad, Nintendo and Ubisoft want you to pay real money for a game that you could also play with the DS turned OFF. Or without a DS at all. Here's a hot consumer tip for you parents out there in case your kid wants this pile of crap game:

1. Drive your child to Best Buy or Gamestop.
2. Walk around behind the store.
3. Pick up a piece of trash that's lying around.
4. Give it to your child and tell them that it's the new version of Jam Sessions.
5. Watch your child get beat up as they play Jam Sessions and sing aloud on the bus.

Jam Sessions: Greasy Pizza Box and the new Mossy Rock: Limited Edition.

Besides the product itself, the other truly terrible element of this ad is the "music." The song that the kids are "singing" is Santeria, by the So-Cal band Sublime. And not only have they used a Sublime song in the ad; they've used the most PG, families-first snippet of Sublime's most radio-friendly hit to sell their shitty product. Not cool, Nintendo.

If you're going to use an awesome band like Sublime in your ad, you have to go all out - none of this pussyfooting Top-40 PC stuff. I used my marketing prowess to design some alternate storyboards that feature Sublime's more representative work, while still featuring the singalong group of friends vibe:

I sent these storyboards to Nintendo as pro bono gesture to the inept marketing department that came up with this one, but I have yet to hear back.

And while this ad is truly terrible to the core, there is one part I do like. That's the final slogan: Say hello to your new guitar. I like this slogan because it gives me something to scream at Jam Sessions ad executives right before I punch them in the face.

*DISCLAIMER: Advertisements Explained is not responsible for any personal harm or property damage that results from watching this ad.

**Editor's note: Why is there a surfboard on the bus?