One of my most hated types of advertising is internet advertising. I hate when large ads pop up in front of my weather forecast. I also hate that I now have to sit through 15-30 seconds of drivel that some mouth-breathing, thick-skulled ad wizard "wrote" before I can see my beloved Keyboard Cat videos on Youtube. I hate that Zappos shows me a range of shoes that are very similar to the ones I just bought while I am reading my news - I just bought some new damn shoes! What makes you think that I want to buy more that are very similar or identical? In fact, my hatred of internet advertising is one of the reasons I started this blog in the first place. So, to get myself back on the blogging track, I've dedicated this post to some especially terrible internet ads I've seen floating around lately. Let's begin.
Check out this ad for a weight loss product:
Wow, really!? 12 lbs a week!? And all I have to do is carve out part of my intestines with a meat cleaver every Friday? Where do I sign up???????
Here's the first in a long series of ads about doctors and other knowledgeable figures hating things. These types of ads appeal to "discerning" consumers who think that doctors "know what's best for everyone" and "try to tell everyone what to do."
Here's the first in a long series of ads about doctors and other knowledgeable figures hating things. These types of ads appeal to "discerning" consumers who think that doctors "know what's best for everyone" and "try to tell everyone what to do."
Well, if my dermatologist hates it, that must mean it's a good treatment, right? I mean, the only thing I like more than following doctors' orders is self-applying treatments that I found by clicking internet banners so I can piss off my doctor.
Doctors: full of hatred.
Here's another one:
Take THAT, dermatologists!
Maybe dermatologists don't hate her because she exposed the wrinkles thing - maybe they hate her because she rubs her face with White Out before showing up for her appointment. I mean, have you ever tried to get that stuff off? Am I right, ladies?
And here we have yet another ad about people hating something:
Here's another one:
Maybe dermatologists don't hate her because she exposed the wrinkles thing - maybe they hate her because she rubs her face with White Out before showing up for her appointment. I mean, have you ever tried to get that stuff off? Am I right, ladies?
And here we have yet another ad about people hating something:
Now I'm beginning to think there was some ad industry convention last year that told everyone that hate is the new modern science. (In fact, there probably was a conference about this. I get invited to be the plenary speaker at so many of these things that I don't even bother opening most of the emails anymore. I need someone to screen these things, but since no one good applied for my summer internship, I guess we'll never know...)
Anyways, what's the one trick to obey to piss off your local insurance agent/doctor? That's right: be an idiot. If you are idiot enough to paint your sports car black and white like a cop car and attach sirens and spotlight, you are probably stupid enough to buy insurance that you found by clicking internet banners.
And speaking of car insurance:
Anyways, what's the one trick to obey to piss off your local insurance agent/doctor? That's right: be an idiot. If you are idiot enough to paint your sports car black and white like a cop car and attach sirens and spotlight, you are probably stupid enough to buy insurance that you found by clicking internet banners.
And speaking of car insurance:
Ok, so this ad isn't really so bad. In fact, it's excellent example of how to target your core demographic. Again, if you are the special type of moron who purchases a car with four front wheels, you are also probably enough of an idiot to purchase a car insurance policy that costs $9. Way to target your core demographic, American Novelty Car, Volcano and Orc Warfare Insurance, LLC. Well played.
And finally, this one is a good example of how not to target your core consumer base:
And finally, this one is a good example of how not to target your core consumer base:
Really? Groupon expects us to believe that there are good dead horse carrying deals in Columbus, OH? Nice try, ad geniuses. Everyone knows that the best dead horse carrying spots are in Missouri.
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That's all for now. I know many of you have submitted ads over the last couple months, and you're probably wondering what happened to them. Don't worry, I've seen them all, and they are truly, truly terrible. I will get to them in time. In fact, I think I will adjust the parameters of the TRAOTM contest moving forward. Instead of picking just one ad to be the TRAOTM, I will write about various reader-submitted ads, and at the end of the month/lunar cycle/amount of time it takes me to write more than one entry, I will post a poll for you READERS to pick the TRAOTM from all the recent entries. I really do appreciate the support and submissions, and I think this would be a better way to make use of all the wonderful/terrible content. How's that sound?
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That's all for now. I know many of you have submitted ads over the last couple months, and you're probably wondering what happened to them. Don't worry, I've seen them all, and they are truly, truly terrible. I will get to them in time. In fact, I think I will adjust the parameters of the TRAOTM contest moving forward. Instead of picking just one ad to be the TRAOTM, I will write about various reader-submitted ads, and at the end of the month/lunar cycle/amount of time it takes me to write more than one entry, I will post a poll for you READERS to pick the TRAOTM from all the recent entries. I really do appreciate the support and submissions, and I think this would be a better way to make use of all the wonderful/terrible content. How's that sound?
