Terrible Reader Ad of the Month - April 2011 (14 days late)

Hello readers, I'm finally back. I apologize for my lengthy absence and the lack of updates - shit's gotten real here at Advertisements Explained. First of all, the overwhelming feedback (4 comments, an email and 1 drunken text message) from our focus group posts on Dannon Light & Fit nearly destroyed our servers. I definitely appreciate the support and encouragement from our loyal readers, but we had some massive turnover in our IT department trying to fix the problems.

Li Han tries to work out a solution for the servers. He was fired shortly after this photo was taken.

Li Han's replacement works on an algorithm.

Then, just as our servers were coming back online, one of our Pakistan-based funders suddenly just stopped returning our calls and emails. Despite weeks of emails, I've only received one response from venturecapitallaunderingfund@pakistan.gov. I have a feeling my emails just aren't getting through for some reason - not sure what's going on there.

The only response I've received.

However, despite all the problems we've been dealing with, AE is still up and running. My first order of business now that we're back online is to award the Terrible Reader Ad of the Month for April 2011!

This month's award actually goes to two of our loyal readers who submitted ads in the same idiotic genre. The TRAOTM award for April goes to Steph and Amanda, who both submitted ads featuring inept female dog owners talking about their dog food choices. Congratulations!

Steph's ad is from the Cesar Canine Cuisine line of dog food, whose writers apparently think it's normal to serve your dog a brick of meat paste on a plate with two steamed carrots and a bed of lettuce.

For all they do for you? I'm sorry, but when's the last time a dog did something for you that was useful? Isn't most dog training to designed to get them to not do things "for you?" That dead bird they brought in and left behind the TV? The big steamer they left on the carpet? That time he chomped your younger brother's arm so hard that it tore through his snowsuit? Yes, those were "for you." A good dog should know not to try to "do things for you" - it's better off sitting patiently until you get home.

Unless, of course, your dog serves a proxy for your non-existent boyfriend and full-tongue makes out with you when you get home from blogging about your loneliness at the local coffee shop. Then I guess he would deserve two carrots on his plate - just like your perfect boyfriend would get if he were real.

Amanda's ad features a very similar group of idiots complaining about the ingredients in their dogs' food. It is from the Blue Buffalo dog food company:

Why are these women rolling their eyes about the stuff in their old dog food? Did some ninjas sneak in the house and plant it in their pantries? Oh wait, NO. These idiots bought this stuff with their own money then came to dog class to complain about how bad it is and roll their eyes to each other like they are so much better than someone who would buy a bag of IAMS (hint: they're not.) And I won't even get into how insensitive all this eye-rolling is considering the dog class instructor doesn't even seem to have full control of her own eyes. Way to rub it in, ladies. Then, to top it all off, another lady starts making out with her dog again.

And as both submitters pointed out, why even worry about the quality of the ingredient in your dog's food? Most people in third world countries don't get to eat this well. And who the hell washes off chicken, let alone for your dog? While you were over there washing off your chicken, your dog was licking bird poop out of the cracks in the deck. Unless your interests include making out with your dog, you probably don't need to worry so much about what they eat. And if you're one of the women in these ads who do make out with their dog (and why are there only women?), you may want to rethink your priorities.

And finally, as Will Ferrell put it in the SNL ad: "You're a fucking dog."