Today's terrible advertisement comes to us from Charmin and their "Ultra Strong" line of toilet paper. Charmin is very proud of the fact that their product does not leave ass crumbs, and this fact is prominently displayed throughout this ad:
As you can see in this commercial, bear society is guided by three main tenets:
1) Live freely in nature, with minimal possessions.
2) Care for your children, and teach them the ways of bear society.
3) NO ASS CRUMBS.
This ad wants us to believe that bears are ashamed of ass crumbs and put their children through rigorous inspections until they learn to follow the third tenet of bear society.
This, of course, could not be further from the truth. Bears are shameless creatures that do as they please and do not give a rat's ass about anything. Do you think the bears in these pictures care if they have bits of toilet paper stuck to them? No! They are badasses!
The fact is, bears tear through picnic sites, eat out of garbage containers and get arrested without hesitation. Charmin, on the other hand, wants us to believe in a whimsical world where bears playfully submit to family ass crumb inspections, all in the name of selling toilet paper. Don't buy into these lies. Charmin doesn't think people are smart enough to understand what "stronger" toilet paper refers to, so they propagate these deceitful fantasy worlds, disrespecting all bears in the process. They could take a big step in the right direction by ditching these playful ass crumb bears and instead making ads that say what they mean and portray real bears doing real bear stuff:
Discerning consumers everywhere will thank you, Charmin.
